Continuation and update

• Last post was about dieting and hunger! A friend read it and asked if I was talking about them and I just dismissed it with a simple, confused 'no' without thinking why they asked til later. I came on just now to update and reread it and was like 'wtf?!.. if you think that's about you then bitch you be starvin yourself!' :P However, I'm sure, if I elaborate, everyone who has ever seriously watched their weight will see themselves!!
• I HATE the word diet. I hate even saying that I'm on a diet. I always judge people when they say that. I don't think the word diet, or my definition of it, is positive. It just makes me think deprivation, rules, limitations and hunger. Strict, scary, horrible!
• Rules are not for me. The only rules I can ever follow are the ones I make because they are so flexible! There are certain limitations that need to be in place in my life but, ultimately, I live to be happy. Obsessing over every last calorie and every lost pound is NOT happiness to me!
• That's not me dismissing diets or the approaches to weightloss that work for other people. My housemate is losing shitloads of weight on Unislim (Similar idea to Weight Watchers) and looking damn hot! And that shit ain't easy! The thought strikes fear in me because of the regimentedness. Numbers and targets and weighing foods and rules, even the fact that you have to be somewhere at a specific time and place every week!
• I am NOT saying that my housemate or people who go to Unislim or WW or whatever are too hardcore or whatever, though I definitely think my hobag housemate could cut herself an occassional break on the exceptionally rare weeks she doesn't achieve yet another giant weightloss! (She reads this and knows that I am calling her a hobag in an affectionate way... that and she's a bitch! :P) My problem with the regime part, is the failure aspect.
• At various points in my weightloss, I got really into weighing myself! That's what I consider being 'on a diet'. When you are rating your progress on numbers there is always a slight feeling that if you don't lose weight every week you are failing or setting yourself back or whatever. And that's the problem where I'm concerned- the pressure of it spurs you on when you do well and the negative shit that brings into your mind- I didnt lose weight this week/month. I suck. I am going to eat only grapes or whatever. I would not be able to do that but ya know what I'm getting at.
• You cant ignore the numbers. You would be quite the fool to do that! I still weigh myself to check which way I'm moving. But I HATE getting obsessive about the weighing part. I hate doing that when I know I eat well 80% of the time and I really enjoy working out! Some weeks the 80% dips to 50% and then I give myself a talking to and get back on track! I know that's not an approach for everyone but it stops me getting bogged down in feeling like I suck when I 'fail'.
• So, scratch that....when I wrote last time, it WAS about you, all of you, anyone who thinks it applies to them- it probably does. It wasnt AIMED at anyone though- nobody but the monsters in my mind. It was a general reference to shitty habits that don't solve anything long-term. Shit that loads of people do. It was me having a word with myself over feeling crappy for barely losing weight in 2011 when the important thing was that I was looking better and living better. I wasn't considering starving or whatever I refered to. I was talking myself out of falling into a pity party and likening pity parties to all the other shitty 'diet' habits that exist! Which is an important talk to have with myself considering I AM NOT ON A DIET!
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• AND NOW FOR THE UPDATE:
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• I'm back at 76kg! Hhahaha! Such a plateau number-wise! However, I think I'm proving myself right here- SIZE 12! Kinda proves the point right?! I'm still a 14 in trousers but my 14s are roomier than they were a month ago. I tried on stuff today in the shop- sizes 14 and 12. I walked out with only 12s. So negativity, obsessive weighing and forbidden foods can suck my balls! Weightloss is ultimately about your own self control. Have your cake (or chinese food in my case), eat it too, then don't have cake again til you REALLY want it (Sometimes it may be 2 days later but it happens.) and then enjoy it all the more! It seems to be working for me even if that dick of a scales won't agree! :P

Don't go changin'

Oh dear! I've been talking with lots of different people and been around a lot of people trying to lose weight. I have also become aware that a lot of people are out to prove things with their weight loss. I would like to think I'm losing the pounds because it will help ME in the long run, not impress other people. I let myself slide down the slippery slope; ignoring how big I was getting, burying my head in the sand and thinking that if I 'OWN' it, then it's fine (even if I was secretly deeeeeeeeeeeply unhappy). So now, every so often, I look in the mirror and feel good! I'm regaining control of my body. It is a JOURNEY and not an easy one but there is no need to be a dick just because you're on track.

I know a girl who has lost a lot of weight- who never even had MUCH to lose- and is seemingly determined to draw attention to how different she is now; not physically but in her lifestyle. It makes me sad because she seemed very much an 'OWN IT' type of girl. I get that you're proud of yourself but there's more to a person than their dress size.

Weightloss is only one part of your life but because weight and body image are so important to women it can really effect other aspects of life. I'm lucky because my housemate has joined Unislim so is very much on the wagon and we can talk about shared excitement when we drop a few pounds and are very supportive of each other. It's nice to cut through the bullshit and be honest. Weightloss is as simple as eat less, excercise more. There's no need to be a total psycho about it. It's not easy but it shouldnt rule your life either.

New week!

So after a weekend with a little too many treats, the week begins again! I've just finished a yummy salmon fillet and baby potato dinner- will have veg as a snack in a bit! I'm not eating healthily all the time but it's nice to eat something that you really enjoy that isn't going to go straight to your beer-belly!

Pissed off today though because I couldn't go to the gym and may not be able tomorrow either. I think I've been overdoing it though. I hurt my left ankle 2 months ago and it's still not right and I think that I've been working my legs too hard because now my left hip and knee are giving me hassle. I was actually in pain after my workout last night. Thank God for the jacuzzi!! If I go tomorrow I'll just do crunches, arm weights and swimming. In the meantime, I will ice my knee and ankle and take some anti-inflammatories and hope for the best. If I'm not exercising I'll have to cut RIGHT back on food and I will NOT be happy!! It's my birthday next week though so I wanna be looking as well as I can.


One thing I need to work on is 'treat' mentality. I have a tendancy to overly reward myself. For example, my sisters and I were meant to go out last night but we changed our minds. I'd already considered that I was going to have a blowout calorie-wise because of all the booze so, when plans changed, instead of going 'oh fab, i stayed on track', I went 'oh fab, now I can have a Chinese'!! That's ok, I guess, but only occassionally. Also, if I am eating Chinese again, I have to put a ban on fried rice because it really doesn't make that much difference to the meal if you're eating really spicy chilli chicken and it is just LADEN with calories. So, yeah, stop with the treats, Claire! Thing is, I know I can still have treats as long as I keep count of the calories. So, starting from tomorrow, I'll be trying to keep track of all my food and exercise. I've started well but if I want results I have to take it up a notch!!

Getting my confidence back

Letting my weight creep up the way I have over the last 5 years or so really knocked my confidence. I used to love shopping and clothes and having my own style. As I got bigger that melted away a bit. I didn't want to draw any attention to myself. If people were looking I assumed the worst- that they were thinking 'the state of her in those clothes' or whatever. It's shitty but when you aren't confident you don't want attention. So I let my style become more safe and 'normal'. I began a rotation of 2 or 3 outfits at a time. I hated shopping. I hated getting ready for nights out. I just felt crap!

This Summer I started afresh- going to the gym, eating better, drinking less. Even though i haven't lost much weight I feel soooo much better. I feel healthier and more toned and it's giving me so much confidence. It's still difficult to find clothes I like that suit me but I'm interested in looking now! I've been holding myself back when it comes to online shopping but it's fun to look at things and feel like I could wear them and feel confident.

I'm really enjoying 50's style clothing and accessories and a more ladylike approach at least some of the time! I'm loving back-seamed tights, flowers in my hair, full skirts, fitted waists and pencil skirts as well as my usual love of false lashes and red lips.

It feels good to have some confidence back. It makes getting ready so much easier and more fun.

Cute hair flowers:

My new Primark coat:


I'm going to get it in navy and white too. So cute!

I've ordered two pencil skirts from ASOS. I'm hoping one will be nice and I can wear it out for my birthday in a couple of weeks!
:)